Ashwin's Power

THE JOURNEY TO PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT AND LIFESTYLE BUILDING

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Showing posts with label anger. Show all posts
Showing posts with label anger. Show all posts



Annoyance:
The most common form of anger, in today’s world, is the kind caused due to annoyance. With our busy and fast paced lives, our level of tolerance is the finest of lines.People today, need everything done NOW and every instruction to be comprehended on the first go. Obviously, these are demanding times for most people and thus anger is bound to rear it's ugly head more than often.
This kind of anger situation is of the subjective nature and varies from people to people and depends a lot on our mental attitude towards life, people and relationships.

Anger surface when:

1) You’re talking to someone and they’re not listening.
2) You tell something or give an instruction and people mess it up or don’t understand it.
3) You or someone makes a mistake at something.

These situations make us angrier based on the amount of times they get repeated. More you get ignored, more your rage builds.


Who are we annoyed with:
In these kinds of cases we don’t usually get angry at people who we fear or respect or hold in high esteem. But usually the victims of our anger are those who we take for granted, look down on or have little value for.

It hurts me the most when I get angry with loved ones and then I regret it later. I’m sure it’s happened to most of the readers out there. What’s happened is that, we usually take our loved ones for granted, that they’ll always be there for us, with us. We end up expecting them to always understand us, agree with us, help us and basically be in sync with us. Which is not always the case. And that leads to anger
Overcoming this kind of anger is about becoming open minded, cheerful and unattached. It requires a bit of a Zen like state of mind where you respect others and hold everyone equally in your heart. Know and realize that people are humans too, especially loved ones and there entitles to their flaws. No one is perfect. Not even you. I believe that the relationship we have with ourselves is the kind of relationship we have with people around us. The outer world is a manifestation of our inner world. So get less angry at yourself and you’ll be less angry with others. Relax and stop being so critical.

There is a story of Buddha that might help understand the nature of anger and emotions.
Buddha was sitting under a tree, meditating, when a stranger comes up to him and begins insulting him, to test his authenticity as a spiritual master. Buddha remains unperturbed by the man and never even flinches. This anger’s the stranger even more and he starts insulting him, even more and louder. The Buddha still remains calm and unfazed. Eventually, the stranger gets tired and once his anger subsides, he asks the master, how he remained calm through all of this? Wasn’t he provoked to insult back? To this the master replied, “Why will I be affected by you’re gift, If I have chosen to not accept it?”

You have a choice and you have the power of free will. Use it and simply refuse to accept anger. :)
What is anger? When you analyze the emotion of anger, for what is really is, you realize that it’s this feeling of injustice, of doing harm to another be it physical, mental or emotional or all three of them, usually. It is one the most basic and raw-est of human emotions, which has been with us since probably the prehistoric times. Rather, its necessity back then was more justified than it is now, in the post caveman days.

We’ve all been angry many times in our lives, it’s nothing new; but those of us who have given in to it, know that that instant of gratification is more expensive than it’s worth to be indulged. I personally, have many times regretted the actions I’ve taken giving in to anger and so it’s worth understanding what causes anger in order to be able to learn how to use it, to our advantage and subdue the beast.

Injustice: Also considered to be in some way resentment. It is when you feel that you deserved something but you didn’t get it. It’s when something “SHOULD” have happened and it doesn’t, at least not the way we wanted it to pan out. When expectations are not meant, is when a person feels an injustice has occurred and anger is a response to this injustice.

1) When you try really hard and work for a reward only to have it taken away from you.
2) When someone else gets your reward (promotion, girl, spot on the team, prize money etc)
3) When you’re denied a chance at something, which you feel, should have been yours.
4) When you’re ignored or told to shut up. That is, not allowed to voice your opinion or express yourself.

The examples above are abounding with causes to become angry and lash out at something, or even worse, someone.

Core Desires: In most of these cases it’s important to remember that usually, we get angry here at the thought of being denied or failing at something or being denied a reward and NOT at the failure itself. It’s like this. If I don’t get the promotion, I’ve been looking forward to. I get angry , not because I didn’t get the rise in post or duties. But it’s because I didn’t get the extra pay hike, social status etc. Now obviously, these conditions vary as per the person’s level of consciousness. Considering the general populace, there are many of us who wouldn’t mind being in the lowest level of company hierarchy but with a pay of the CEO. In this case, promotion doesn’t matter; we’re anyway getting what we want, so no anger arises. So it’s really about knowing what we actually WANT. The core of our desire needs to be deciphered in order to understand the cause of anger.

Another example is when I was selected for my school basketball team. I got to play in only 1 match and only for 5 minutes. I didn’t score even one basket and was benched. I remember I was really angry at that time. In this case, even though I was on the team, my reasons for anger were my lack of ability and achievement in my time on the court. My primary focus, I thought, was to be on the team, but in actuality it was to be popular in school and gain that social status that comes with being the MVP of the team. Knowing that truth now, I would have practiced more on my game, or chosen another avenue for my CORE desires, some other sport or art,that I was naturally good at.

So it’s important to find out the main desire we have and choose a path that’s correct for it’s actualization, rather than the obvious or socially observed path. We go down a road we don’t want to and it’s obvious anger is going to be our partner throughout the journey. It’s really a science of cause and effect. The effect is anger, so it’s only obvious that to stop the effect, you have to stop the cause.
More on anger in part 2 tomorrow.

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